Friday, November 4, 2011

Respite/Hospice Care

I missed the boys Halloween and I was very upset about it and knowing that Pita CAN NOT be left alone for a split second, I had to make arrangements for his safety for this weekend so I could take the boys to Sesame Place for their Spooktacular as part of the Variety Club For Children With Autism.  I spoke to the social worker and we were able to get him to the hospice facility as a Respite patient for 5 days.

After having the freedom to take the boys to Cub Scouts last night I quickly realized how much of a prisoner the boys and I am in the house if Pita stays here with me.  I was able to sleep without fear that he would attempt to come down the steps and possibly fall!  If he stays home, I can’t go to dr appts for the boys or myself, school for emergencies or report cards and such, take the boys to the park or even go food shopping for the guys.  I am TRAPPED in the house at all times even though I can not provide the 24 hour round the clock care that he so desperately needs.  

After mulling over it for a few days now, I finally decided last night that now that he is in the hospice facility I would talk with them about possibly leaving him there for his own safety.  I am not trying to dessert him and I don’t want to have him feel like I am doing it TO him but rather FOR him!!  He doesn’t understand where he is or why he is even there and is quite aggitated at everyone.  It’s because the cancer is in his brain and he is really confused which I totally understand that part.  I think if I was quite confused about my whereabouts I would be angry and hostile at times too.

So the dr.’s are going to observe him over the weekend and adjust meds if they have to to keep him as comfy as possible and they may end up keeping him there on a permanent basis.  Maybe not at THAT facility but another hospice care center that is more suitable for his needs.  I can go back to being wife, the kids can go back to bring the boys and life at home will be a bit more normal for my kids which is more important right now.  Pita will be WELL TAKEN CARE OF.  I have to concentrate my efforts on the boys and what’s best for them.  This move is best for EVERYONE involved!

So I am sending a message to Mr. Guilt.  I understand you like to come into my life and cloud my thinking and mess with my emotions over this entire thing.  I think you are related to cancer in some way.  It’s ok because I will conquer you the same as my son CJ will your cancer friend if it’s the LAST thing I ever do.  You will not make me feel guilty about me doing what’s best for my precious boys.  You and cancer can both go to hell as far as I am concerned!!  You got me with my Mom but you WILL not consume me with my kids!!  BUZZ OFF!!!

Note to Pita, I love you so very much and I only want what’s best for you.  I can’t devote 24 hours each day to care for you because I HAVE TO think of our boys.  For your safety and the boys and my best interest, I put you in place that is more suitable for your needs.  Please do not be angry with me and try to understand why this decision was made.  I didn’t do it TO you, I did it FOR you!  THE BOYS AND I ARE ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU!!!  Just because you aren’t at home doesn’t mean you will NEVER see us again.  We’re coming to see you as much as we can.  We would NEVER and WILL NEVER forget you!!!  You are our Husband, Daddy, Son, Brother, Uncle, Cousin, Our Lovey always and forever!!  LOVE YOU Pita!!  MUAH!!

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