Friday, November 11, 2011

I so need your opinion.

Today I worked on the urns that we will use for your remains and will be given to the boys when the time is right.  I really needed to hear your opinion on how they came out.  You always had an artist view for EVERYTHING and I needed so desperately to hear that you liked them and that you wouldn’t mind spending eternity in them.  Oh well, I can only hope you like them, the boys and I love them!

You’d be proud of me for making the urns myself….I managed to save about $1,800.00 on them doing them myself.  If I was to buy factory made ones from the undertaker and frankly they were the uglies things, so ugly I wouldn’t collect flies in them!!  The ones I am making are made from wood, quite unique so you can be assured that there are no others like this.  They are one of a kind…just like you were.  I miss you!!!!!

So the boys are sitting down on the floor watching Wild Kratts and I am sipping my wine, on your computer typing my heart out to you while listening to music.  Some of my online friends may open chat soon so I may slip in there to spend some time with my sisters!!

I have so many questions for you and I would give ANYTHING to hear your voice just once more.  I remember the last “I love you” you whispered to me (Saturday 11/5/11).  I remember the last 4 kisses you gave me (Monday 11/7/11).  Those are the bittersweet memories I will take with me always.  I want you back in my life again so desperately.  I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to you.  I feel like you lied to me because you promised you would NEVER leave me alone and here I am alone as I am ever going to be.  You promised I would only cry happy tears.  Now look at me….I am alone with my sad tears!  THANKS!!

I had so much to tell you and never got the chance to tell you everything I needed to say.  Why did you leave me?  Why didn’t you listen to me?  Why do I have to do this by myself?  What will happen to the boys now?  Am I going to be able to raise them myself without you?  

We know you had to go away but we weren’t ready for you to fly away.  You are so far away from me and I can never touch you again, never hear your voice, never feel your breath on me again!  I want to make love to you so desperately to feel your closeness once more.  I just need one more time………….

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