Monday, November 28, 2011

Made it through Thanksgiving just barely!

Been a lil bit since I checked in.  Simply forgot actually.  Busy week last week with getting Christmas up and then Thanksgiving on Thursday which was EXTREMELY hard for me.  I have no idea how I made it through without a single tear!!  Then we went right into a busy weekend beginning with our annual Black Friday trip to see Santa!!

Got MOST of the basement done finally.  Mr. Vernon is working his frikkin ass off down there.  The metal man is taking all the stuff that is basically useless to everyone that you had piled down there for whatever reason…no one knows!  Mr. Vernon opened the door next to the hot water heater and low and behold…more JUNK!!  THANKS!!  I am SERIOUSLY tired of having to wake up at the crack ass of dawn on Monday morning to put all the trash out so that no one picks over it during the night and makes a huge mess that I have to clean up!!  I can not wait till it is DONE!!  We are going to get the last load out on Sunday and start organizing everything down there!  Mr.Vernon is taking your SnapOn tool box!  My gift to him for being so kind as to help me with this MAJOR project!!  BTW, he has taken a few other items but unfortunately the rest of the stuff went to the metal man!  The good thing is now I have the entire back of the basement to hide Christmas presents now!!  ROFL  EASY PEASY!!

I have to admit, I haven’t cried in a few days but that doesn’t mean I still don’t miss you like crazy!!  I did cry a bit at the Welfare Office today.  Seems they wanted me to get proof of your cancelled unemployment.  I told the woman “Ma’am they WILL NOT even talk to me let alone forward me any information on him.  The last time I tried to talk to them, the woman said ‘I can NOT speak to you’ and hung up on me”  The woman at Welfare was shocked and a little irritated at me but when I showed her your death certificate (that is when I cried) she hushed up and said I didn’t need proof of your unemployment.  Obviously if you are dead you AREN’T getting u/c benefits!  Took me to wait 3 1/2 hours just for them to take the information and tell me it could take another week or two to get benefits!  GGGRRR, can’t fight the fucking system huh!!  I really wish you were there to open your mouth and make heads roll, I could really use those food stamps!!  The 1 good thing is the boys STILL have health coverage…I can NOT afford $700.00 a month for their meds!

I have to go to Social Security on Friday to file for the boys to get your survivor benefits.  I have no idea how I am going to pay bills without those benefits!!  I can’t sell this place because it is in NO shape to be sold!!  Plus where am I going to go that is any cheaper than what I am paying now!!  I kinda liked being piss poor but now I am below piss!!

I am still trying to figure out how to get through this holiday without you.  It just doesn’t seem possible!!  I keep expecting you to walk in from work at 6 and be happily complaining about your day!  Or I look at the door and think you are flying in from snapping pictures of whatever and you say “I got some really good shots!”  When I had to go get the boys today because Michael was sick we walked in and I really expected you to be sitting on the couch asking them if they had good days!  Why is this so EASY for them and so HARD for me!??  I don’t know but I really would like to know!!

We had chicken cutlets (your favorite) tonight and CJ devoured it!!  Michael would have if his throat wasn’t a bit sore!  I put everything on the table, turned around to go get the juice and water and came back to the table and realized that there was no fried yellow squash there for you!  Then I remembered and was sad again!!  I almost cried all through dinner!!

Being decorated for Christmas is not helping me get through this at all!!  Somehow I GOTTA get through for Thing 1 and Thing 2!!!

I love you ALWAYS!!  831 my love!

1 comment:

  1. I bet PITA was smiling and possibly chuckling, when you handed the lady his death certificate. Sadly, it is the dishonest people in this world that make the honest ones have to work so hard to prove their honest situation.
    I hope the Social Security appointment goes better.
    One idea about gifts for the boys,,, IF you need it.. let them receive from Toys for Tots or a local church. Heck just for this year, let someone help you.

    Every day will be a bit different....