Friday, November 18, 2011

I need YOU to help ME get through your funeral!

So here it is, the night before your funeral and I am not feeling my best, trust me.  Why can't you be here to help me get through this?  Why have I had people in and out of the house everyday since your death yet I feel like the loneliest person on the planet???  I miss you so much it is not even an emotional hurt but a physical pain that I feel everywhere in my body and my soul.  My world will NEVER be the same again without you in my life.  I WAS NOT ready to say goodbye to you and tomorrow is going to be the hardest thing I have EVER had to do.

I have to be honest here for a first experience with death was my Dad and I was 20 and believe me when I say it HURT like hell.  Then less then 2 years later my Dear Mom left this world forever and my world was completely CRUSHED!!!!  But THIS, this is the SINGLE hardest and most painful thing I have experienced in ALL my 44+ years!!  My entire life is SHATTERED!

You know how I feel about promises....people say 'promises were meant to be broken' but YOU KNOW "not in my world!!"  When someone promises something, they should ALWAYS honor their words!!  You PROMISED you would NEVER leave me and I can't get it out of my mind.  I can't stop thinking about you.  I can't imagine another day without you!  I get up every single day and I have to remember that you are no longer here.  Then I remember that I will NEVER touch your skin, hear your voice or look into your eyes again and it HURTS me physically!!  I NEED YOU BACK SO DESPERATELY RIGHT NOW I ACHE EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I miss you so very much, please send your strength for me tomorrow....I am gonna need it!!  I love and miss you!

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