Went well

Ms. J the Hospice Child Grief Counselor was here and we talked for a few minutes just her and I.  I told her what has been told to the boys so far and the terminology we have been using for the cancer, death and dying and Daddy being so sick with the boys.  She told me that I was doing a very good job by not sugar coating it for them but at the same time I wasn't scaring them either.  She told me I was very brave for keeping an open dialogue with them throughout this entire ordeal with them.  The know and WILL ALWAYS know that they can come to me for anything.  She also told me it's ok for me to have my moments of weakness in front of them because it shows them that it's ok to show emotion BUT to save the REAL BIG crying for when they aren't around.  I also shared our plans for his remains and she said that was a lovely idea.  She asked where his ashes will go and I told her probably in the dining room so that he can always be with us here.

After we talked she talked with the boys and it went very well.  They felt comfortable enough to open up WIDE for her.  They told her all their feelings and drew pictures for her.  CJ said he got a germ when he was 2 and that is why he is sick today and I asked if he was talking about his Autism and he looked like he wanted to say yes but said no.  I explained that Autism is NOT a germ but rather a gift from GOD that was given to him for a specific reason and that reason is to change this world I believed.  I hope he doesn't start thinking his Autism is a germ like Daddy's cancer germ.  She did say that the boys would probably need to be reminded of the information today over and over again.  She told them that they were so smart and knew so much about germs and she also told CJ that there are many dr's and scientists that were trying to come up with that pair of pliers to get rid of cancer germs from people's bodies but they just haven't gotten it right.  She told him to keep working on his idea and when he joins them when he is an adult, he can dedicate the cure to Daddy but in the meantime to love Daddy and help Mommy take care of him as best he can.

She recommended a book for me to read to them and I checked Amazon and it was there so I ordered it for them.

All in all today's visit went well.