10/12/11

Today is my 44th birthday and what I want for my special day I can't have!  I don't want a cake, I don't want a party, I don't even want presents!!  I want my Pita cured of cancer!!  Today is the first birthday in my entire life that I don't want it to be my birthday.  I don't care to have a birthday today because I know I have a better chance of having another one then my Pita ever will!!  That's just not fair IMHO!!  It sickens me to no end.  I woke up this morning wishing it was another day....ANY OTHER DAY except my birthday!

Last night was quiet and he had an ok day thankfully.  Not much pain which is a good thing.  I continue to bring him his meals and if he eats them, good....if not, oh well I tried!  I won't force anything on him because he is still in somewhat control.  I just wish he would see that food and fluids are going to make him feel better and put something in his body.

Yesterday I had to run out to school to pick my son CJ up from school because he went into sensory overload in the classroom because of the noise and he stuck a crayon in his ear and when they called me there was still a piece lodged in his ear and no one could get it out.  I can happily report that when we were waiting for the bus to go home it popped out and I took him to his pediatrician (he begged not the ER) to have his ear checked and all is well.  I think he learned a major lesson yesterday.  I hope!!  LOL

He also had a little conversation with his Behavior Specialist Ms. C at school.  She was talking to him and asked if he was ok and having a good day and he said to her "My Daddy is dying and the dr's can't get the germ out of his body anymore so I have to invent a pair of plyers to go into Daddy's body and get the germs out!!"  This is simply breaking my heart that this 7 year old innocent child is spending time thinking of how he can cure his Daddy of this demon called cancer.  NO CHILD of any age should be having these thoughts!!  Why does this have to happen?  This poor boy is probably thinking that all the other kids in school have Daddy's and none of them are sick so why does his Daddy have to be the one that is dying??  He already knows he is quite different from the rest of the kids because of his Autism but now he will be even more different because he won't have a Daddy like everyone else.  Not that he knows if these kids do or don't have Dad's at home but this is probably the thought process of his 7 year old mind!!

Again today I brought him his breakfast, tea and meds and he refused them.  I hope he wakes up soon and changes his mind and eats his breakfast, drinks his tea and takes his meds.  I know if he does, he will have a half decent day. 

So today if I can't have a cure for Pita, I want him to have a comfortable day....that is my birthday wish!